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Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Homer Simpson, Smiling Politely

I love the Smashing Pumpkins. For my money, it doesn't get any better than when they crank out a heart-pounding rendition of Zero or Geek USA. They make you want to hold up a lighter and punch a whole in the wall all at the same time. I have suffered with them through the low points. I was with them on getting rid of D'arcy because only a succubus spells her name with an apostrophe. It's called artistic license, not douchetastic license. Then they broke up, all good things come to an end. Then they came back. Well, sort of. It was a bitchy little Billy Corgan who wouldn't high five me on my birthday then stormed off when I called him Johnny Delicatehands. (that one is actually true) And Jimmy Chamberlin, who is proof some people are actually better with heroin. And then insert a bassist and guitarist who are on a rorating schedule. I was pumped anyway. I thought, it's been seven years but maybe they'll play Quiet till my eyes bleed. Then I read an interview with Johnny Delicatehand where he explained they don't want to play their old songs like some cover band and would mainly play their new stuff. That was the turning point for me. Listen guy, I spent $75 dollars of my hard earned money on this ticket not to hear you be creative but to listen to my favorite songs. I'm the consumer so play your guitar monkey and smile while you do it. This is the problem with musicians these days. They forget they're in the business of making people have fun and not in the business of being pontificating dickles. And for the record, you're not a cover band when you play your own songs. Now, I couldn't right about tard musicians without mentioning Lars Ulrich. (Please start donating money for our legal fund now) This guy did the most un rock'n roll thing you could ever suit, a file a suit in federal court. He claims they were stealing his music. Now, if you've listened to Metallica at any point since 1989, you know no one is stealing that garbage. When did all these musicians forget how to be cool. Federal lawsuits not cool. Sex with a high likelihood of VD, totally rock'n roll. They wonder why the music industry is being decimated, and besides the fact that they were 5 years late to a little thing called downloading, its because musicians are putting out atrocious albums. Jason Derulo, did you ever consider you're riding solo because your voice sounds like two seal raping a fisherman? Just sayin' is all.

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