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Sunday, November 7, 2010

Dr. Strangelove or How I Learned That All Leaders With Beards Are Evil

Obama recently grew a set and condemned the Myanmar elections that even Jimmy Carter won't back. And he'll back just about anything. It gave me hope. We here in the United States love to complain. It's what sets us apart from the animals and Canadians I'm most likely going to complain about something in the next few sentences. But we really do have it quite well. Look at what our fights are about. Should the corporate entities spend money on elections, does the 1st amendment protect vile hate speech from a megachurch of 23 people, is everyone not name Al Sharpton a racist. Oh and the economy. But those problem are all fixable or at least not really that bad. The economy is the outlier but I promise if you stay with me, there is a point somewhere at the end of this Faulkner-esque rant. At the end of the day, we have complaints of the rich. However, huge swathes of people out there have complaints of the poor, which include being stoned to death for adultery, being stoned to death for homosexuality, being stoned to death for being raped, being stoned to death for calling the leader I'mADinnerJacket. I think you get the point. This is why I got a little Chris Matthews tingle down my leg when I saw Obama taking a stand against the junta that walks Myanmar. ( Word play alert) They are a group of leaders, most likely with beards, who refused aid when 100k of their population were left homeless after a flood. After our flood, people got to stay at the Superdome by comparison. But we have shorter fish in $99 Chinatown suits to fry. However you spell his name, let's just call him squirt (he hates it when you call him squirt) is running a country in as crazy a way as possibe. Ironically enough, the world's brain, wikipedia, told me stoning wasn't allowed in Iran until 1983. I find that unbelievable. Who regresses to stoning? This lunatic with a beard. (And I know you're thinking Abe had a beard, but he also like to drown puppies, it's on youtube) My hope and change is that Michelle lets Barack-Attack keep this John Wayne attitude and dump it on Iran. You've got Lindsey Graham ready to roll. LG himself. (No, he wasn't the one who sponsored the rally to restone sanity) Let's take a hardline on a guy who will 100% give nukes to terrorists. Obama showed a hint of pissed off. And like the female senator from GI Jane, I like pissed off. (And Demi Moore doing pushups) This is is path to reelection. Get tough on our enemies, and no not through Univision speeches. If you're followed by Sabado Gigante no one will listen. Let's call Myanmar tea-ball, they're so nuts no one will oppose you condemning them but they also keep to themselves. Iran is coaches pitch little league. Everyone knows they're concentrated evil but ImADoSomeDip is loud and rapacious, and will make fun of you to the UN. (But after what USA High has done to you, you can handle fatty) I'm ready to roll with you if we're going to start shutting down maniacal dictators around the world. You've got the world's ear, time to start dropping some truth bombs on it and helping the rest of the world with their real gripes, not ours about having to wait too long for a Big Mac.

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