False START

Vladimir Putin terrifies me. I was recently on brobible.com and saw a slide show of the many insanely masculine things Putin has done in a recent publicity tour. He shot a whale with a crossbow (for science of course, not because it's bad ass), road a white bronco better than OJ shirtless, and drove an F1 racer. Our president, by comparison, but beat up by an advisor from the Hispanic Congressional Caucus playing hoops. (Isn't he supposed to be awesome at bball, he told his high school as much) Seeing this comparison, it's no wonder Obama is pushing for the illogical START treaty. I am too lazy to use wiki right now so if the last T means treaty, I apologize.

If this was 1989 and it was raining bricks in Berlin, I'd say a nuclear weapons containment and stockpile reduction treaty with Russia was necessary because John Travolta informed me you can buy former USSR nukes for the price of a BMW. You even get a discount when you buy in bulk. This is 2010 though and Russia is almost an ally. I say almost because I will never trust the Ruskies, I've seen Dr. Strangelove too many times. But they are not a threat to us. Certainly not a nuclear threat. I'm not even sure their vodka powered missiles could reach the US at this point.

You know who is a threat though, North Korea who just shelled our actual ally, if we still have them after how we treat Israel, and Iran, who is presently trying two US hikers who the abducted from Iraq. START is all about national security, so why don't we try applying it to the two maniacs with nukes that constantly threaten the US. Have you seen Kim Jong Ping Pong Ball, the new heir, he's still waiting for his other nut to drop. I'm also going to assume he's as insane as Kim Jong Irr because that's how North Korean succession works.

I would love a world without nuclear weapons. I love to be married to Giselle. Neither is going to happen so I have to deal with reality. There will always be nuclear weapons, you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube. But that doesn't mean we can't control who has them. We should be asking for Russia's help not with a mutual markdown of nukes but of making sure Iran, North Korea, and Pakistan's nukes aren't falling into the wrong hands. I know Obama is looking for a slam dunk on foreign policy, but after this weekend, maybe he should stay out of the paint and shoot some more threes.